Marriage,Migration.and Mothers

Recently me and my three elder sisters have been enjoying the commentary of my mother and her sisters in their bids to find my elder sisters and cousins some husbands.  Myself and my sisters have so far always taken their advances in quite a light-hearted manner.  We are African and whereas for others it may seem odd- since a young age commentary and jokes about marriage have always existed- I have a number of Uncles whoa re my supposed 'husbands', my father makes jokes with my aunty;s that they are his wife. (These are often light- hearted commentary, but onetheless proves the importance in marriage in our society where the term 'marriage' can be used to describe various levels of endearment).  This point I highlight to demonstrate why when my mother and aunty say 'You must get married' me and my sisters do not instantaneously freak out and feel enormous pressure, although we know they wish t see us married one day we know there is a general looseness of the tongue afforded to the term.

However I am beginning to question whether the 'frivolosity' I associated with this term.

My mother moved to this country ( UK) at the age of 23 to meet my father. They had married a year before in Sierra Leone.  My mother's story was a classic tale of 'clean peulh courtship'. My mother was a very beautiful young lady, very hard- working in school also very keen on looking after her single-mother. My father was a young handsome man extremely intelligent and very handsome. They both belonged to the same peulh ethnic group, My father and mother both lived in the capital, and if anyone knows Freetown they will know that everybody knows everybody. He said he had been seeing my mother for years walking up and down a street they both shared and a few monthes before he was about to live Freetown ona schlarship to a British institution he knew he must get married. He told a mutual friend that my mother knew vaguely . H eone day approached my mother and she protested that 'he must go meet her family'. He did just that and my mother and father were married a few monthes later. She instantaneously moved to the UK to start her new life. My mother had a life, a family friends and familiarity in Sierra leone  ( and my friends I must tell you during these years Sierra Leone wasn't the disaster you see today, standard of living was much higher and peace and stability was around) and she was willing , and happy to leave this for the respectability of a 'clean marriage'. This is serious!

It causes me to question the expectations my mother will have for me. My parents are really quite open-minded I am allowed to study whatever I wish, I can go out when I want, I pretty much am allowed to do as wish.  I always said to myself I will get married after my studies to a young man and the only pre-requisite will be that this young man believed that Allah was the greatest and Prophet Muhammed ( PBUH) was his last messenger. But I question whether I will be willing to make the sacrifices for marriage that my mother was initially willing to make(not to say later). does this sound harsh? My mother is the most beautiful  and amazing woman ever. But I just think the centrality and importance of marriage as the necessary next step to life that  her generation held  just does not exist for me...More importantly this is no frivolity so perhaps my sniggers will turn a bit more sinister in the nearer future!

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